I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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