I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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