it wasn't lemon gatorade
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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