Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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