I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
