So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
