You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
