I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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