thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i think i have herpe
just one?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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