You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Alive.
So much puke
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
