I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
