One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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