he wants to bone in the snuggie
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
