and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
