and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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