Screwed.edu
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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