CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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