My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
