if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She is in my trunk
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
