how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i think my mom watched the whole time
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
