I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
