I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
