It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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