Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
