just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
His nipple licking is glorious
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