My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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