Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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