I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
North Korea, Best Korea!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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