You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
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Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
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WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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