Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
