Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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