Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You can't just leave with hair like that
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
