How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
