I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
