I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
