Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
