I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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