I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
