if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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