how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
