i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
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Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
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I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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