I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
