So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
