I wish I only lived at night.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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