I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
