I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
