I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
