The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
