then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
