i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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