Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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