I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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