I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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