i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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