Can i not drive my cunt home
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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