best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
