You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
