They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think your dad took our porno
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
