Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
