He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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