I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize