I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
