Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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