I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
