i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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