you guys were way drunker than both of me
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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